Truth about gnomes.

Boudicca over at Boudicca’s voice captured the gnome from this post. She decided to turn Fred the Gnome into Fredweena the Gnome. In the comments I accused her of turning Fred into a pre-op transsexual Gnome. She did not like my assessment and made the statement that maybe gnomes where like worms and could change their sex. So I did some research in order to respond properly to my Blog momma-sis.

I'm sorry Bou, but you are once again misinformed on the nature of gnomes. Gnomes are NOT like worms. There are male and female gnomes; to be precise there is a ratio of 23.4:1 male to female gnomes.

The male gnomes, unlike humans, do not have an overly active sex drive. They feel the need to procreate only about once every 7 years. Thus the term “7 year itch” was created to describe this cycle. The cause of this cycle is due to the extreme amount of mischief and drinking that they do which kills the libido. However on the rare occasion that a lazy and sober gnome is born they are known to be in a state of sexual arousal 21 hours a day. Which makes sleeping rather difficult, thus they are cranky. The other male gnomes will shun the lazy/sober gnomes and drive them from their gnome communities so as to not flood the gene pool with their lazy/sober seed. These exiled Gnomes tend to show up in gardens and around bushes in people yards. They tend to be very still and are often confused with cement figurines. They are however waiting for an attractive female to pass by so they can satisfy their needs and possibly get some sleep.

The female gnomes however are about insatiable sexually and always feel the need to procreate. They however have a 6 year long gestation period. During pregnancy they continue to procreate believing wrongly that there is a chance of getting the elusive gnome twins by doing so. Gnome twins are prized as they are always female. It is common for a female gnome to not be impregnated for only a combined 5 months of their mature life. Most female gnomes tend to die at an old age while giving birth.

It is because of this phenomenon we get the term “barefoot and pregnant”. Since when a female gnome is pregnant her feet swell and shrink constantly through out the day. Their feet can swell as much as twice their regular size. They are unable to wear shoes during this time. So they go around barefoot as to not be uncomfortable in shoes that would be either too tight or too small.

Male and female gnomes generally do not interact. The males tend to go off causing mischief and drinking. While the females stay home, take care of the children and procreate when they find a man that needs it.

So based on this information we can deduce that Fredweena is actually a lazy/sober gnome that wants a sex change in the belief he will have more sex.

Facts in previous post may or may not be true.