What are you worth?

I read Lee Ann of Lee Ann's View post on auctioning off Tammi's Shirt. It reminded me of a story from when I was in college. Now for those of you that have delicate sensibilities, you may just want to skip this post, as it is kind of.... Immoral, improper, wrong. But hey, I WAS in college. And this is the first time I'm telling the complete - unabridged tale of this sorted night. And I am in no way making any comparison between the girl in this story and Tammi. Lee-ann's situation and starting price just reminded me of this.


When I was in college, the university required that all underclassmen live in the dorms (unless you where a local student). I signed up for a co-ed dorm, but their idea of a co-ed dorm is that one wing was male and the other wing was female. There was not access to the other wing except on the main floor. However this did not stop there from being a lot of co-ed mixing happening. The first semester of my freshman year there was this girl named Heather. (My friends will start smiling now). Heather was a very social girl, and I mean VERY social girl. The semester started in August and by mid-October she was known as the "floo-ho" (Slang for floor-whore). She had either slept with or performed oral sex on every guy that lived on my floor. She was also a huge binge drinker. The sad thing about this is that it wasn't just my floor in my dorm she frequented. She just spent most of her time with us. She was a busy girl.

She flunked out after one semester. We figured all of her "extra-curricular" activities kept her from being able to do her academic work. We also thought we had seen the last of her.

We were wrong.

She came back for a visit in the middle of the next semester, unannounced. It was on a Saturday afternoon when she ran into one of my friends in the lobby and he brought her up. She spent most of the afternoon doing old tricks. That night after dinner we all went to a party. Most of my friends, Heather and some of her old female friends from her dorm.

At the party she started talking to some other guys she used to "party" with. However she stuck with us all night. The party was pretty lame and we left early. We all (her friends included) decided to go back to our dorm, sneak in some beer and just party there. (No alcohol allowed in underclassman dorms). Heather was already pretty smashed by the time we got back to the dorm and she continued to drink. Eventually being in that drunk half awake, half asleep state.

We started getting calls for her in the room. (We figure Heather must have called someone she talked to at the party and told her where she was going to be) They wanted to talk to Heather. Well she was in no condition to actually speak a language that was understandable by anyone not at the same level of intoxication.

Finally a guy we called Tommy asked the guy, "What is it worth to talk to her?" and then the next thing I hear is, "What will you give us if we bring her down on the elevator?" They went back and forth for a while. Tommy was trying to get beer as we had run out. This is where I stepped in, and not in the good way (Watching personal opinion of me bottom out). I took the phone and asked who I was speaking to. I don't remember the name he gave me. So I haggled with the guy for close to thirty minutes.

Finally, with approval from all the guys there, we sold Heather to this guy and his friends for:

1 paper plate
3 plastic forks
half a roll of paper towels
and one beer (yes, one 12 once can of beer, Bud, if I remember correctly)

It was the best that I could do. By this time Heather was back to drunk, but conscious. We explained to her what we had done. I kid you not her response to us was, "Well, I'd rather stay with you guys, you're all so nice. But you made a deal and I have to uphold my part of it" or something very close to that. So I and Tommy escorted her down where there where 4 other guys, we exchanged Heather for said merchandise and went back to the room.

We found an after-up (Late-night party that starts after bar-time) to go to about an hour later. We ran into Heather and her new "friends" there and she was having a good time. The next day she stopped back over and was very pissed(Mad, not drunk for my English reader) at us for what we had done, and rightfully so. She said she came down to visit us and her old floor mates and not to hang out with other people. And no she was not sexually assaulted by the other guys, we asked. Heather was the type of girl that would have told us if she had been, because she had been before and even though she was very sexually open, it was her choice and had no problem prosecuting the SOB that did it. She swore she would never talk to any of us again. I have never seen nor heard from Heather since. So I don't know where she ended up or what she is doing with her life.

However since this incident I always wondered. If I was drunk and passed out. How much am I worth? Would I even rate a paper plate, 3 plastic forks, half a roll of paper towels and one can of beer? I'd probably go for a Kleenex, half a jar of olives and 6 inches of masking tape.

So how much do you think you are worth?