At least it's not sensitivity class.

I’m one of those people that need some kind of mental stimulation to stay awake. This can be a good or a bad thing. When I have to work long hours, as long as I am busy, I don’t need much sleep. With my job, if I weren’t busy I wouldn’t be working long hours. I can go for long periods with minimal amounts of sleep, as long as I am mentally stimulated. The other side to this is that I can fall asleep in a matter of seconds. That irritates my wife. We can be ready for bed, she’ll turn out the lights and before she has a chance to say anything to me, I’ll be snoring. She, on the other hand, claims to lay there for 15-20 minutes trying to fall asleep. I’ve never been able to stay awake to confirm it.

With my current position, I constantly go over numbers and analyze data along with my duties of work assignments and just general over lording of the minions. Some people find this boring, I find it interesting looking for trends and patterns in our figures. However, the problem comes when it is time to go to meetings. I hate meetings, especially meetings that don’t directly involve my position or me. I don’t hate them for the reason everyone else hates them though, I hate them because they turn into naptime.

I can get a good 9 hours of sleep, wake up before the alarm, take my vitamins, eat a good breakfast and with in 15 minutes of that meeting starting I’m out like a light. I’ve tried various different tricks to keep awake. I really do try to pay attention, but when it has nothing to do with my position or something that directly affects me it’s hard to stay awake. I will sit there in the meeting and just start nodding off. Inevitably, someone will notice. Either that or I will start snoring… or both. And before you ask, I’ve only drooled twice! Then what happens is I get out of the meeting and I can work at my desk for the rest of the day with out even a yawn.

This has really come to a head today. We have some outside consultants evaluating our policies and procedures. I was volunteered as a backup to another person on the committee, thus I have to attend all these damn meetings. I essentially have little to nothing to do in the meetings. Even the parts where I’m backing up only last about 5-10 minutes of a 2-hour meeting. About three times a week over the last four weeks, I’ve had to go to a meeting like this. I keep falling asleep in front of senior management and the consultants. Last week one of the consultants busted me in the middle of meeting. She even commented how at my desk I have so much energy but in her meetings, I keep falling asleep.

I didn’t want to tell him that I was just bored with the meeting because it had little to do with my job. I also didn’t want her to get the impression that she was terminally boring. Therefore, I told her that I had a rough night. She gave me grief on it over the week about falling asleep in his meeting, she even started today’s meeting by saying that. Guess what… I fell asleep AGAIN! Not just nodding off, I had fallen asleep and was in a dreaming state when I was awoken to my name being called. It went something like this:

Okay, Fake as if I was reading something; “I’m sorry, I was just going over the figures for the conversion rates. What was your question?”

Consultant, “Am I really that boring?”
Me, “Not at all, I just was curious as to what the numbers where like.”

Consultant, “You where snoring.”

Me, “Shii..oot. Sorry, I really did start off going over the conversion rates.”

Consultant jokingly, “Maybe you need more sleep and should go to bed when you put your kid down.”

Me jokingly, “Yea, hey give me a call tonight around 8:30. That should put me out like a light.”

Consultant hurt, “That is the meanest thing I’ve had someone say to me in a long time.”

Me thinking, “You’ve got to be kidding me, that’s the meanest thing someone has said to you in a long time. You really need to get out, because you have one sheltered life!”

Me saying, “I’m sorry, I was just trying to joke around. No offense was meant, seriously” Wanting to add, “I can be much meaner then that WITH OUT trying.”

So now, I have to have a talk with my manager. YAY! I think I’m going to turn this into the biggest joke I can. I’ll take my chastising, but from this point on if anyone says anything even remotely mean to me, I’m filing a complaint.

I also think I’m going to invest in a shock collar to keep me awake during meetings. If they would only stop asking me to the meetings that don’t involve me!