To go, or not to go? That is the question.

There is supposed to be a blogmeet this Saturday here in Northern Illinois. I’ve been kicking around whether or not I’m going to go. I even went OCD and made a list of pro’s and con’s. I have less then 3 hours to decide on what I’m going to do. It is quite a conundrum, an enigma…. A puzzle if you will.

Besides this blogmeet there are other things I want to do that also fall on this weekend. This seems to be par for the course for me. I have this problem at least once a month from April until November, especially during the summer months when the kids are out of school. So first, I have to decide which event I would rather do this weekend.

I have a possible re-enactment in which to participate. I’ve never attended this particular re-enactment before. If I don’t go, it’s not as if I’m backing out of an expected event. However, I am looking to find new events and this has been the only year it has landed at a time where it is not impossible for me to attend.

I have a chance to go shooting. I’m really starting to enjoy shooting, so I really want to do this. In addition, I have my new blunderbuss and I really want to live fire that. But… I now have a way to go shooting anytime I would like. I have an in at a range that allows black powder. I am also trying to join a gun club that allows black powder. So my shooting in the near future is pretty much a given.

It’s mother’s day weekend. I feel guilty about leaving my wife home with the kids. Unfortunately, there is no way for us to get a sitter that can watch Clone for the 12+ hours that we would be gone. Our long term/late night sitter, (aka my mother) has to watch Clone next weekend while we are at a surprise party for a friend. My wife says it’s okay for me to go by myself, but I feel guilty since I’ve been off gallivanting about the region for the last month with out her. Even the weekend we did something together, I was off with other people, leaving her alone with the kids.

It would be nice to go and meet some of the bloggers I’ve never met before that I read. I’m not sure who all is going to be there, but I know that Harvey is going to be there, and I owe him a couple of drinks for help his given me. Then again, I’m also supposed to bayonet him for insulting me in an e-mail. Isn’t it funny how that works out? I get to cause him pain, and then I can buy him some drinks to numb it. See, it all works out!

I’m still hesitant about wanting to go. I think we’ve established I’m not much of a people person. As in I don’t like them, sorry I hate to say it but I am a bit of a recluse. I can go months on end with minimal human contact before the desire to interact socially with people overtakes me. Right now, I’m not in a social mood. When I am in a social mood, I generally want to hang out with people I know and maybe one or two new people.

This weekend there are going to be more people I don’t know there then I do. Yes, I’ve read many of their blogs, but reading a blog does not mean you know the person. How a person acts online and offline can be completely different. You can read all of a persons post and not really know them. Trust me; I could drop stories about myself that would make you re-evaluate what you think about me. I don’t share everything and I don’t think any blogger does.

I don’t do well around new people. I’m kind of shy, okay I’m not really (I am going to call that one on myself before anyone exposes my fraudulent statement). I just don’t do well around people I don’t know. It’s a trust issue; I don’t know them well enough to trust them. I lost my faith in humanity a long time ago and I have seen nothing that has even restored a portion of it. The only way for me to loosen up is to start drinking, and that’s fine but sometimes I have issues when I drink… like nearly gutting people.

Therefore, I have to think on this and make my decision quickly. If I’m going to go a re-enacting then I need to get home and pack. If I’m going to go shooting, I need to start casting up round ball. If I’m going to go to the blogmeet, I need to sacrifice a small animal to the god’s of happy wives to make sure mine does lock me out of the house Saturday night for being gone so long.

Eh, I hate making decisions like this.

UPDATE 05/07/05: I talked it over with my wife lastnight and she told me that not only does she think I should go, but that she wants me to go just to get me out of the house today so she can have some much needed alone time. For most of the time I'm gone Clone will be napping and/or in bed. Couple that with a strange desire to be social and my wanting to meet Harvey, TNT and Tammi; I decided I'm going to go.

Yes folks, I do tend to make a little drama out of stuff like this. If I didn't life would be oh so boring. And I don't want to be boring! :)