It's a meme, nevermore.

Bou hit me with this meme, everyone else thinks it’s wrong, others think it’s disgusting. I personally think it is just another annoying meme. I’m going to do this one because Bou is my Blog moma-sis. However, I am going to put her in a really crappy blog nursing home when she gets older since this is the second meme she’s hit me with this year. (Grumble) If she lived closer then a two-day drive, I’d probably head down to Florida just to throw pickled sardines at her.

What are the rules of this meme? That’s a good question; I’m not exactly sure, as they are NOT clearly defined in her post. All I know is that I am supposed to write a poem regarding a turd in a punchbowl. I thought of plagiarizing part of Grau’s Parody of Ricky Martin’s “Livin’ La vida Loca” called La Caca Grande. Then I figured since he was nailed with this fecal beverage meme, he might want to use it himself.

So I came up with this. It’s ugly, but I don’t care.

Once at a party dreary, while the guests where weak and weary
Over many a quaint and incurious conversation of bore –
While I nodding, nearly napping, suddenly there came a cramping.
As of some foul food poison erupting, erupting out my back door
“’Tis time to go, “ I thought, “foul excrement is at my back door
I’ve never had to move my bowels more.”

Ah, distinctly I remember it was at this party.
And the air was ever so farty, stench and vile from ceiling to floor
Eagerly I wished the morrow;-- vainly time I tried to borrow.
My bowls causing great sorrow – Sorrow I’ve never felt before
For the rare and radiant discomfort that I dare not explore.
A pain that I wanted to feel nevermore.

Deep into the party guests peering, long I stood there pondering, fearing,
Doubting, that to the bathroom I shall make it, make it before;
But the silence was broken, and my bowels started to release a token
And the words that were spoken were, “Don’t do it, we implore!”
But I couldn’t hold it and into the punchbowl my ass did explore.
A turd in a punch bowl, evermore.

Back to the party my face turning, my bare buttocks red and burning
Soon again the people talked about the something they’d never seen before
Leaving there a floating token, of the incident they hath spoken
In the punchbowl unbroken, floated a turd of legend and lore
They took my body from table, and took my form out the door.
Quoth the quests, “Nevermore”

And the turd, only gloating, still is floating, still is floating
In the celebratory punchbowl sitting next to the entrance door;
With the size that have all the seeming of a demon’s horrid dreaming,
And the lamp-light o’er it streaming throws it’s shadow on the floor;
And the turd that is floating in that punchbowl casting was spilled to the floor.
A turd in the punchbowl, nevermore.

Inspired by Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Raven”

I told you it was ugly.

And I’m flushing this meme. I’ve got a plunger and toilet snake to make sure it goes down.