Friday, April 29, 2005

A plot most foul.

Has anyone besides me noticed a disturbing lack of a certain someone in the blogosphere? I’m talking about Alex of Alex in Wonderland. He has not made a post in a while now. I find this kind of disturbing since he just moved into his new accommodations. I know that when most men get a new toy or house they tend to play with, tinker or make changes to it. Well Alex hasn’t done any of that. In addition, we had been e-mailing back and forth for a while. I was trying to convince him to smuggle me a haggis into the US, he was trying to convince me I was daft. Those e-mails have stopped shortly after he made his last post. So where did Alex go? Personally, I think said “loving” wife Sally of Whimsy Capricious hatched a sinister domestic plot.

We already have her admitting to attempting to kill Alex. She, knowing Alex is allergic to nuts, had him drink a banana and peanut butter smoothie. What kind of irreprehensible wife would knowingly and willingly give her husband something that would kill him unless she wanted to have his corpse planted in the ground?

Then when word gets back to her about my investigation, she preemptively posts a denial before any conclusions could be drawn. By trying to thwart my investigation with denials of misdoings in advance to sway you, kind and intelligent readers, to her side is just another part of her master plan! Do not be fooled by this foul murderess!

In addition, if you take a look at Whimsy Capricious you will notice flaws. FLAWS I say! For with out Alex to fix them, they go on unchecked! Alex, being the good and kindly husband, ever the family man, always took care of his beloved wife and her blog. Yet, alas, with out the magnanimous Alex the poor site is falling into a state of disrepair. It is a sad, sad day.

Now I know what you are thinking, “Why would poor innocent Sally do such a thing?” Well I’ll tell you why! She is not innocent; see here, she is a gangsta beotch! She may have used a rubber band and some peanuts to “Put a cap in his arse” by shooting said peanuts down his throat while he was sleeping! As for being poor, again Alex being the type of person that looks out for his family probably took out a 1,000,000.00 pound (remember they are in England) life insurance policy on himself. An allergic reaction to peanuts causing him to go into anaphylactic shock would be covered as an accidental death by insurance!

I also don’t believe this is Sally’s first killing either. I believe she practiced her homicidal tendencies earlier this year by killing Madfish Willie. Why, I don’t know… but he’s been missing for a while too and since I’m throwing around murder accusations like a disgruntled housewife tossing peanuts about, I thought I’d throw him into the mix.

So there you have it folks. My theory on what happened to Alex. May the blog gods have mercy on his soul, for he has left us excessively early. Alex, we will miss you.

Disclaimer: This whole story is a fictional piece of work by a bored and deranged individual.