Take pity on a wayward soul!

I need your help, it’s pretty obvious by now that the social graces are not one of my strong personality traits. We are going to visit a friend of mine in the suburbs of Chicago for the weekend and he and his wife invited us to stay with them instead of getting a hotel. Usually when I am invited somewhere for dinner or in this case for the weekend, I like to bring a nice bottle of wine, Scotch or whatever they like to drink for the Host and Hostess. The problem is that I know my friend is a drinker, I however do not know if his wife drinks. I am mainly bringing the gift for her since she is the one that suggested we stay with them.

I’ve met his wife 4-5 times now, but never in a situation where anyone was drinking. I want to bring her a gift, but I don’t know if alcohol is appropriate or not. I have sent an e-mail to my friend asking if his wife drinks, but I believe he told me he would be out of town until Friday. Right now I’m wishing I started every conversation with, “Hi, I like to drink, do you? If so, what is your drink of choice?”, but I don’t. Therefore, I’m kind of out on a limb. I figure it’s better to be safe then sorry and buy something more neutral. I just have no idea what. I really don’t want to get a plant, as I’m not sure what kind of plant she likes or does not like. That was the only other idea I could come up with for a gift.

Nothing is really popping into my head as a good idea right now. All the idea’s I’m having would be appropriate if I was going over to some of my regular friends houses, their wives don’t expect anything from me. They know I’m an uncouth heathen of legendary proportions. I could show up with anything from a six-pack of Schlitz malt liquor to handcuffs and a riding crop and they would just shrug it off as me being me. However the wife in this couple is unknowing of my personality, and I’d rather start off making a decent impression before I go shatter her innocence, crush her belief that all people are essentially good, decent people and destroy this mental image she has of me being some kind of polite and personable gentleman. Yea, you can stop laughing now. I didn’t give her that impression, I don’t know where she got it, but I don’t want it to come crashing down on her in a rude realism when I show up with some crotchless panties and chocolate pudding.

For those of you that have some social graces please help! I am throwing myself at your mercies! I only have two days to think of something, please hurry. So spread the word far and wide, you are my only hope!