Friday, March 25, 2005

Explaining the great ungnome.

Apparently Blog Momma-sis, Boudicca, is still delusional regarding the nature of gnomes and tried to rationalize how her Fredweena is a female gnome. First you have the problem that we have multiple documented pieces of evidence that Fredweena is nothing more then Fred with a make over. Second, she does this by trying to pull some smoke and mirrors delusion over on us with her misinformation and pure speculation. Plus she likes to do transference of traits between humans and gnomes to find similarities.

I will now, as apparently the blogosphere gnome expert, refute her rather suspect facts:

First Boudicca wants to compare her birthing of three children to that of a gnome. The first thing that I find wrong with this is that Boudicca is not a gnome. The last time I checked I have no gnome in blog bloodlines. Humans and gnomes are completely different species. There is no relation. It would be like me trying to compare Boudicca giving birth with that of a frog. If we were going to do that, then we know that Boudicca should have approximately 3.785 children broken into three ages as she was only pregnant three times. Well she’s not so there for Boudicca is not a frog. Well I don’t think Boudicca was pregnant for 6 years each time. If she was, then her oldest child would have to be at least 18 years old, and we know he is not. So her trying to find similarities between Gnomes and Humans is completely asinine. Plus she can’t even get her facts straight. She says:

They are NOT pregnant for all of 5 months out of their lives.


Males and females don’t interact… females tend the home, men play.

When in all actuality we know that it is common for a female gnome to not be impregnated for only a combined 5 months of their mature life. Gnomes are not born pregnant, and until the female reaches maturity, around the age of 48 they can not get pregnant. Gnomes are known to live to about 307 years. Also male and female gnomes do have to interact. If they didn’t how would there ever be child gnomes? They generally do not interact. It’s like a cast system, only involving gender and not social status. I just needed to clarify that before going any further.

So let’s get into the logistics of a gnome pregnancy. Gnomes don’t carry their children like humans do. Baby gnomes are usually around 1.5 ounces at birth and about the size of a pencil eraser when they are born. Female gnomes, unlike human females, do not get uncomfortable and miserable. They truly enjoy being pregnant. There is no, to quote my own wife, “feeling like a beached whale”. The only way you can tell a female gnome is pregnant is the constant swelling and shrinking of her feet.

Boudicca also states:

They sit around and do NOTHING and since women want sex ALL THE TIME, they
get it whenever they happen upon one.

They don’t have to be pregnant... let alone pregnant virtually their
ENTIRE LIVES! (Man, that would totally rot.)

Since females and males NEVER interact, they don’t even have to be
supportive during this horrible 6 year gestation period with severe feet
expansion. They have to do NOTHING.

They get to party all the time, while the women raise the kids.

I will address these point by point.

1) She missed the male to female ratio of 23.4:1. She did however acknowledge that the female gnome generally stay home. If a lazy/sober gnome is exiled from her community, the chances of him finding a female Gnome are rare to slim. That’s why they hide out in gardens and around bushes waiting for females. I never said female gnomes, so ladies be careful out there. Especially if you find a drooling, dain, bramaged, cyborg, gnome that is craving bacon.

2) A transsexual gnome still wouldn’t be able to get pregnant because they wouldn’t have the uterus and ovaries to be able to conceive and carry the baby. This is true even with human transsexuals. Medical science is not that progressed yet.

3) All men have to help support any female they find. If they don’t then they won’t be able to scratch that 7 year itch. So they provide the female gnome with what ever she desires.

4) Women get sex all the time!!! That is why a lazy/sober gnome would want to be a female. They get to do nothing but have sex and NOT take care of any kids because they can't have any.

So now you look at this list and you have to admit it looks pretty sweet. Why wouldn’t a lazy/sober gnome want to be a female? He/she couldn’t get pregnant, would have sex when ever they found a man, couldn’t get pregnant so there is no feet swelling and any guy they come across is going to give him/her what ever he/she needs.

Based on the totality of all this information, and especially since we have documented proof that Fredweena was once Fred. How can we deny that Fredweena is a pre-operative transsexual? I believe I have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt of what is going on here. Sorry Bou, you'll just have to face the facts.