Thursday, June 02, 2005

An era has come to an end.

I did it. After much deliberation, I resigned my position with my re-enacting group. That had to be one of the hardest things I have done in a long time. I am hoping that they will see it for what it is, and not an attack. I’m sure at least one or two members are going to get mad and hold it against me. I hope I’m wrong, but that seems to be par for the course when dealing with people.

If that happens, I will mourn the loss of friendship. Then again, if they turn their backs on me, were they really my friends in the first place? I guess the answer would be no. I think that is what would hurt the most. Discovering people I thought of not only as friends, but also as brothers and sisters, were in all actuality just using me. I will get over it if that is the case, I always do.

This weekend will be my first event as a non-member of Clan Chattan. It feels weird. I have spent the last 8 years of my life working with this group and trying to make it run smooth. I feel that at some level I have committed treason by resigning. This was a very difficult decision for me to make. I don’t think anyone realizes how difficult it was, not even my wife. I’m sure she was sick of hearing me debate the up and down sides of remaining with Clan Chattan. I just needed to mull it over and she was the only one I could really talk to about it.

I have contemplated this resignation since last July. On Saturday night of an event Ktreva and I did alone, I realized how much more relaxed I was not dealing with the in-camp tensions and politics. I thought of the ease of that event in having to only set up and tear down my camp and equipment. I only had to worry about my family’s non-period items. Only my actions effected my reputation. I felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I hadn’t felt that way for a long time.

I sat here and stared at my send button for a good 10 minutes before I sent the e-mail advising everyone I resigned. I will have to call one member tonight, as he doesn’t have e-mail. I don’t actually want to talk to anyone from the group right now, but I want to give him the same courtesy I am giving everyone else. It’s the least I can do, especially since I have a lot of respect for him. I’m also expecting quite a few e-mails and/or phone calls tonight regarding this.

Now I need to decide what the next step is. Especially since in resigning it appears, I will not be attending a couple of events I really enjoyed. They are invite only and I need to try to wrangle an invite. As my previous post demonstrates, this can be difficult.